I Just Got Retrenched, What Do I Do? Making Sense of the Emotional Side of Job Loss
- Stella Ong
- 11 hours ago
- 4 min read
If you have just searched "I just got retrenched, what do I do," the question is probably less about your next job application and more about how to handle the disorientation that arrives with the news of losing your job. The first few days usually go to practical worry, working out how long your savings will hold, and what you are going to say to the people around you. But underneath that, something harder to name has already started.
Job loss is a kind of grief
What has started, for most people, is a form of grief. That can sound dramatic when no one has died, but research on unemployed adults found that losing a job sets off a process of readjustment that closely resembles bereavement, moving through many of the same emotional stages (Climent-Rodríguez et al., 2025).
The same study found the loss tends to hit hardest for people who had been in their role the longest and who carried responsibility for their household's income, which fits what shows up in therapy. The more your working life was woven into your days and your sense of identity, the more there is to grieve.
Why losing a job affects more than your bank balance
A job quietly holds a lot of things in place at once, it gives your day a shape, a reason to get up and somewhere to be, and a regular dose of small social contact that is easy to take for granted (until it isn't there). A job also carries a good part of how you understand yourself, since work is often one of the first things people reach for when they introduce themselves or describe their place in the world. When the job goes, all of that goes with it on the same morning, which is why the loss can feel so much larger than just the loss of income alone.
One of the biggest things that catches people off guard is always the timing, and the hardest stretch is often not the first week but what comes later, once the initial shock has worn off and low mood tends to set in (Climent-Rodríguez et al., 2025). If you find yourself feeling worse 1 or 2 months in, that is a recognised part of the process and not a sign that you are failing to cope with retrenchment.
The shame and anxiety that often come with it
Alongside the grief, two other feelings tend to dominate. The first is anxiety, usually sharp and financial, circling around bills, rent or mortgage, and how long you can realistically hold out. According to Climent-Rodríguez et al., (2025), research recorded higher rates of severe anxiety among those experiencing the most intense grief.
The second is harder to admit to, but the creeping sense of shame and worry about what people will think, whether you will be seen as having failed or as somehow less than you were when you had the previous title and the salary. It helps to remember that retrenchment is usually a business decision about roles and budgets, instead of a verdict on your worth, even when it lands as though it were personal.
How to cope with being retrenched
There is no neat formula for how to cope with being retrenched, but I'd like to mention some useful points regarding what helps and what tends to make things worse.
People who leaned on avoidant strategies, whether blaming themselves or staying so busy they never had to feel the loss, tended to experience grief that was more intense and more prolonged (Climent-Rodríguez et al., 2025). The instinct to throw yourself into applications around the clock can feel productive, while quietly working as a way of not facing what has happened.
In therapy, the people who fare better tend to be the ones who take a combination of practical action and let their loss be felt. Taking the next concrete step while reaching out to people instead of withdrawing, keeping up with the most basic self-care and sleep hygiene, are among the strongest protective factors.
How to tell family you lost your job
One of the most searched (and least talked about) parts of this is how to tell family you lost your job. The dread of that conversation is often worse than the conversation itself, and people frequently delay it for weeks, carrying the secret alone and adding isolation to everything else they are managing.
Yet there is no perfect script, but being straightforward and telling them early generally costs less than the slow strain of hiding it. The people closest to you usually want to help, and giving them the chance to do so tends to ease the loneliness that makes job loss so much heavier to carry.
When to reach out for support
Most people move through this and find their feet again, often within a few months. It is worth paying attention, though, if the low mood does not lift after several weeks, or if you find yourself withdrawing from people and coping in ways that worry you. Those are signs the grief has become something heavier, and that some support would help.
If you have been retrenched and are finding the emotional weight of it harder to carry than you expected, or if you are struggling with depression or anxiety and would like professional support, I offer counselling and therapy services.
At LightingWay Counselling & Therapy, our counselling services in the east side of Singapore offer a safe, non-judgmental space where you can work through the loss and questions about what comes next, with flexible scheduling to fit around interviews and family.
Stella Ong is a clinical member and registered counsellor with the Singapore Association for Counselling, registration number (C0940). Click here for more information on Stella Ong.
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References
Climent-Rodríguez, J. A., Chirico, F., Gómez-Salgado, J., & Navarro-Abal, Y. (2025). Coping with job loss: A cluster analysis of grief experiences and coping strategies among unemployed individuals. Journal of Health and Social Sciences, 10(1), 13–22. https://doi.org/10.19204/2025/CPNG2
