LGBTQ+ Mental Health, Living Authentically During Pride Month and Beyond
- Stella Ong
- Jun 11
- 4 min read
Updated: 2 days ago
We at LightingWay Counselling & Therapy believe that everyone deserves to live authentically and we support love in all its forms. Happy Pride Month and Pink Dot to all!
As a therapist and ally, I have seen how affirming care and support can be for LGBTQ+ clients. I see individuals who struggled with family rejection, discrimination, and especially the exhausting burden of trying to hide who they are. At the same time, I have also celebrated with clients who have found their chosen family, embraced their identity, and built meaningful lives filled with joy and authenticity.
Why Affirming Care Matters
Through my work as a therapist, I see how affirming environments really make a difference in LGBTQ+ individual's lives. Research shows that a supportive and welcoming environment can make a big difference, with LGBTQ+ people who had access to affirming spaces reporting lower rates of mental health struggles (APA, 2023).
But here in Singapore, it isn't so straightforward. Despite events like Pink Dot showing growing acceptance over the years as well as the repeal of 377A, many LGBTQ+ individuals still navigate complex family dynamics, conservative workplaces and societal expectations. And the courage it takes for people to go through these challenges while maintaining mental well-being is something I respect in the LGBTQ community.
What Affirming Actually Looks Like
After years of working with LGBTQ+ individuals, I learnt that just having good intentions are not enough. Affirmation requires conscious and consistent action, such as:
Using chosen names and pronouns consistently might seem basic, but it is such a fundamental way of saying "I see you for who you are." It is about showing respect for someone's identity.
Validating experiences without trying to "fix" someone is something I emphasize when working with families. Sometimes it is about understanding that sexual orientation/gender identity are not problems to be solved, they are aspects of who someone is.
Creating genuinely safe spaces goes beyond putting up a rainbow flag (although that helps too). It is about not assuming someone's relationship status and creating an environment where people feel comfortable being themselves.
Values That Guide Us Forward
Working with LGBTQ+ clients has taught me how important it is to live according to our values, not our fears. I often use Acceptance & Commitment Therapy (ACT) principles to help clients identify what truly matters to them. Here are 3 values that consistently emerge as important during therapeutic work:
Authenticity: Courage to Be Yourself
In Singapore's context, where having "face" and family expectations run deep, it can feel really hard to be authentic. Many people maintain different versions of themselves across different situations, e.g. one at work or with family, another with close friends who knows about them.
Authenticity doesn't mean coming out to everyone at once or making drastic changes in your life. Sometimes it starts small: sharing a genuine opinion, pursuing a hobby that brings joy, or simply stopping the exhausting work of pretending to be someone you are not.
One question I often ask clients: "What would you do differently if you worried less about other people's judgment?"
Connection: Building Your Chosen Family
Tight-knit communities can be both blessing as well as a challenge for LGBTQ+ individuals. Not every family is immediately accepting. As such, building and having chosen families becomes so important.
Connection isn't just about finding other LGBTQ+ people, but we really want to find someone who sees and values you for who we truly are. Some of the strongest supporters in the LGBTQ+ community can be heterosexual, cisgender friends who simply choose love over judgment. While some can be individuals whom identify as LGBTQ+ and share similar experiences you can relate to.
Self-Acceptance: Your Relationship with Yourself
This might be the hardest value to embrace, especially when growing up in environments where being LGBTQ+ was seen as wrong or shameful. Self-acceptance work often involves processing difficult emotions and challenging the internalized negative beliefs.
Sometimes, self-acceptance work involves grieving for the easier life you might have had, the family acceptance, and the years spent hiding your true self. On the flip side, recognizing your resilience and appreciating the perspective that your experiences have given you are also worth celebrating.
Where Do We Go From Here?
In therapy, we focus on small, manageable steps rather than trying to overhaul your life in an overwhelming manner. Pick 1 value that resonates with you right now. Maybe it is reaching out to that friend who has always been present and supportive. Or maybe it is having an honest conversation with your family. Or maybe, it can be simply speaking to yourself with more kindness.
Every person who chooses authenticity over hiding, connection over isolation, and self-acceptance over shame contributes to a more accepting community for everyone.
Finding Support When You Need It
If you are navigating questions about your identity, dealing with coming out or unsupportive family members, or simply feeling exhausted from keeping parts of yourself hidden, please know that support is available. As both a therapist and an ally, I want to provide you that space where you can explore who you are without judgment.
Mental health care should never require you to hide or change fundamental aspects of who you are. It should help you develop skills to thrive on things that you values, even if it's being your authentic self, navigating challenging but meaningful relationships, or building the life you want to live.
Because you deserve to be seen, valued, and supported exactly as you are.
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